Manic Witch

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Working world words of wisdom

It's just fucking amazing how many people have no concept of what is appropriate in the working world. So sit back and let "Auntie Manic" offer some words of advice.

1. Get yourself an appropriate email address. "Sexxylady", "Lick_my_hott_lips", "throbbing-mattress-kitten" do NOT give me the best first impression of you. Open up an email account using an appropriate name. Yahoo, hotmail, gmail are all free. You don't need to use it for anything but work emails so your friends don't need to know that you are "respectable-person-looking-for-work". And let's face it, if I do think your resume is decent enough to schedule an interview-despite your ID, I will see you in person. Its pretty tempting to call bullshit and false advertising on your ass. "Sexxylady"? Mmmm, not so much.

2. We drug test. You know this. We tell you this on our website when you fill out an application. We are in the healthcare industry. ALL healthcare companies drug test. But what you really need to know is that a wizz quiz is NOT the only way to test for drugs. So all that shit you bought from GNC, spent a fortune on and drank for 3 days to flush your shit out of your system was just a huge waste of money. We're hip to that shit. And don't bother with the bleach trick either. We know about that one too. Besides, where WE test, you don't want bleach there. So when we get to the point of testing and you suddenly "remember" something that you left in your car, we know that the interview is over.

3. Please, for the love of any god that you believe in-buy some appropriate clothes! I cannot believe that we are the only place that you ever have and ever will interview for. Do you honestly wonder why no one ever hires you? Here's why-faded jeans with the ass blown out and a t-shirt affirming the fact that you do believe that you are indeed "sexxy" do not inspire a lot of faith in me.

4. Please try to speak in a somewhat educated, professional manner. Coming into my office, asking for me and opening the conversation with "Hey, wazzup?" again makes me realize that you are going to be searching want-ads for a very long time. I'm not looking for uptight-got-a-stick-up-your-ass diction, but a conversation with me should be very different from one you might have with your friends. Which leads me to...

5. Please leave your friends at home, or at the very least, in the car. Trying to interview you with your friend standing in the background checking her watch every 30 seconds will just make it easier for me to decide to let you hang with your friend all the time instead of taking up your valuable time by say...working.

I really wish I was making up all this shit. I weep for our future.

Manic Witch wove her spell:: 7/14/2007 10:14:00 AM ::