Manic Witch

Saturday, February 24, 2007

I never knew a paperback could weigh so much...

Writer Girl had a recent post that really got me thinking about "ghosts" from our past. Or maybe baggage is a better word. I have a former friend who really burned me 6 years ago. We were so close during high school and during our first marriages and as we became mothers. We supported each other during our divorces and the trials, tribulations and bullshit that comes with dating again. When Hubs and I met and became engaged only 2 months after meeting, she expressed "deep concern" that I was moving way too fast. 6 months later, we were all at a Halloween party and she hooks up with a guy there that she kind of knew, but nothing happened until then because he was married and she was always with one guy or another. That night everything fell into place for them. 2 months later THEY were engaged (ironic much?) and she was going to move into his house and she offered to rent her house to us. I emailed her almost daily for 2 more months to try to set a time for us to talk about it, go over details and really look at the house with "renters eyes." She was always too busy with her fiance. She couldn't spare 2 hours for this. Whatever. So I had tickets to our local theme park for me, Hubs and the girls. Former friend picks that one day to want to hook up. The tickets were only good for that day as the park was closed to the public, it was a corporate outing. I told her we couldn't make it that day and the twat actually had the nerve to say "I guess (theme park) is more important that this." WHOA! I pointed out to her that I had tried to set a time for 2 months, but I guess blowing her fiance was more important. (Backstory-Hubs caught her blowing fiance-before-he-was-fiance at the Halloween party). Nasty emails were exchanged and that was then end of a 20 year friendship.
Anytime I would start to mourn the loss, I would remember that I did all the work on that relationship. I initiated all phone calls. I lived in my apartment for 3 years and she only bothered to come down once. Granted it was 30 miles away, but around here, 30 miles is really considered a hop, skip and a jump away. I made every single trip up to her place. When her father was dying, Hubs took off from work to stay with her kids so she could spend what little time was left with her dad. And Hubs barely knew her at that point.
Fast forward to about 2 years ago. I had heard through the grapevine that she did re-marry about 3 years ago. My parents ran into her first husband at a home improvement store. Pleasantries were exchanged and when my parents asked about Former Friend, he told them that she was getting divorced again. HA! Apparently husband number 2 drinks even more than husband number 1, by his own admission. HA HA! [/Nelson Muntz]

The point to this long winded post is that I've always had a way to kind of get in touch with her. I borrowed a book from her ages ago. I knew I could always mail it to her mother to give to her. I would put my return address on the package and ask that it be returned to Former Friend. I live in the same zip code as her mom, so it would not be hard at all for F.F. to find me. But why? Why did I have this need to want that? I think it's just because if she ever did make contact with me it would be to say some childish shit like "you really bashed my relationship with Hubs, that we were moving too fast and that we would never last. Well the joke is on YOU! We are about to celebrate 7 wonderful years of marriage. Oh. I heard that the ink was barely dry on your marriage certificate when you had to draw up divorce papers-again. HA! Neener, neener, neener." I think I wanted her back in my life just to bitch-slap her and bring her down. Is it because she hurt me? Is it in retaliation being such a selfish ass during our friendship? But I know if I did send the book back, then what? What if she doesn't take the bait? Does it confirm in my mind that she really is a selfish bitch?
I finally decided to get rid of the book. I have put together a bag of books to donate to my library and that is going in it. I never realized what a weight that book was. What a source of negative energy. And maybe it is me finally accepting that she was a psychic vampire.

I just remembered (probably because I am obsessing over this), I saw her first huband about a year ago at a parade. Neither one of us mentioned her, but I gave him my phone number. You know, so we could catch up. I think deep down, I was hoping he was going to give her the number. I don't know if he did or didn't. If he did, she obviously never bothered to call. I think the same thing would happen if I mailed the book. I don't want to be left hanging. That book is out of here.

Manic Witch wove her spell:: 2/24/2007 11:28:00 AM ::